Thursday, July 07, 2005

Now just who the fuck are who?


That's who the fuck I am. I mean, behind all the greasy hair and the cookie crumbs that can't seem to get the fuck off my face, no matter how hard I scrub. And I scrub hard, you know.

Err.

Anyway. Hm, so here I am. Considering that my vast audience doesn't really know me, I shall introduce myself to the two of you who are reading this page.

I'm someone you don't know, and probably wouldn't want to know. But then again, you're on the internet, and if you're on the internet chances are you've seen a lot of stuff you didn't want to. I myself once saw a video of a guy getting stabbed in the throat, a japonese girl cramming live worms inside her vagina, and some guy hitting random strange people in their random strange crotches. No, it wasn't all in the same video, otherwise I would've lost all hope in mankind.

I will use this space to write stuff which I presume will be interesting enough to capture your attention, at least while you're trying to avoid cleaning your room or doing something just as exciting, like waiting for a porn movie to download or counting the coffee stains on your carpet. Maybe juice stains. Fuck, I don't know what you people drink.

I'll try my best to write half-assed articles about who I am and what I (don't) do. In other words, I will post articles on this page and most of which will be made up and/or make no sense whatsoever and probably illegal in some European countries.

...

Oh, I almost forgot: although I live in Canada, I'm not Canadian. I am (DRUMROLL BITCHES) Brazilian. I came from Brazil (and this is my submission to the Understatement of the Year Award). You know, that country that won five World Cups and... and... Hm, I guess there's not much left to say. Brazil is that big country in South America, next to that one you never heard of, right beside the one the US plans to invade one day. That's after they take over Brazil, in a satanic plot to control the world supply of Brazilian nuts and jeans.

The country of soccer, samba and carnaval - everything I hate most in the face of this god-forsaken planet, besides tomatoes. Did I mention how much I hate tomatoes? No? Forget it then.

I've been living in this frozen country for almot two years now. So it's safe to say my english skills are those of your average brain dead pacients that can only communicate by blinking. You will eventually find several spelling errors. Actually, saying that my english skills are poor and that you'll find several errors is like saying Africa is "poor" and that the combined death toll of both World Wars combined is "several" people. I'm gonna be honest here:

My english SUCKS BALLS and there's going to be one error per sentence, if not more, otherwise you can have your money back. So, don't post comments saying "Hey stupid, you spelled that wrong LOL!!11". I know I suck. It's good to know we suck, because we don't feel like throwing ourselves off a balcony everytime someone tells us that.

You know, it's easier to write when you know the language better. That's why i have ANOTHER website. Today is a Nice Day is the international version of Hoje é um Bom Dia, my well-known Brazilian website which follows the same premise of this one: making shit up and trying to make people laugh about the stuff I made up, while keeping them from realizing it's all made up and the Matrix is everywhere, just like in that crazy movie where people go around dressing black, bending spoons and dodging bullets in slow motion.

Rest assured you will laugh about something in this webpage, even if it's laughing at my attempt to make you laugh. Haha, that's what I call self-confidence. I know I will make you laugh, even if it's of my failure :D

And if you turn on your Sherlock Holmes Mode, you will notice that my layout is shitty. I plan on changing it one day, maybe before the mutant zombies of the Apocalypse come. That's because it's really hard to code HTML when Satan is running the planet and sending horsemen to kill us all.

Hm. Too long for an introduction. Let's start again.

Hi, I'm Izzy and this is my website.

13 Comments:

At 10:27 PM, Blogger Mrs. Brightside said...

OMG! "I'm Izzy and this is my website" . I'm scared now... I don't know, it sounds like "I'm Izzy, this is my website, and fuck you very much!" =D

Anyway, good to see you're trying to improve your English skills with the journal, I'm doing the same thing, though.

Byyye!

THE FIRST ONE! YEAH! [ lol ]

 
At 10:29 PM, Anonymous MeLLy! said...

Hey Izzy! Awesome site you got here, you know how to make me laugh. Awesome, kickass, yeye! More updates!!

Luv ya dude,

-MeLLy!!

 
At 10:38 PM, Anonymous Lab said...

MeLLy! disse...

Hey Izzy! Awesome site you got here, you know how to make me laugh. Awesome, kickass, yeye! More updates!!

Luv ya dude,

-MeLLy!!


Sorry, Izzy. Didn't want to fuck up your canadian friends, but.. Do YOU, I mean, Izzy, do YOU think that your first post here was funny? :P C'mon dude, just say it. Don't know if it's cos I'm sleepy, but, damn.

Anyway, good luck here, hope you get the same (or more) popularity that Hoje é um Bom Dia has. Just keep going, you know. New public, new challenges :D

And, for god's sake, stop with that fucking "THE FIRST ONE", you nerd :P

 
At 10:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow. you are a columbian drug lord and a prophet. well, great stuff anyways. oh, and on a side note, your english is much better then most people who claim to speak it as a first language. so be chip, young man.
>>Lauren<<

 
At 10:43 PM, Anonymous lab said...

Anônimo disse...

wow. you are a columbian drug lord and a prophet. well, great stuff anyways. oh, and on a side note, your english is much better then most people who claim to speak it as a first language. so be chip, young man.
>>Lauren<<



Puxa-saco do caralho. Diz aí, Quide :D

 
At 10:45 PM, Anonymous lab said...

You better know me, you fucking bastards. I'm your worst nightmare.

 
At 10:45 PM, Anonymous lab said...

By the way, Quide. Nice post ;)

 
At 10:46 PM, Blogger Kid said...

I love you too, Lab =D

 
At 10:51 PM, Anonymous lab said...

Gonna sleep happy, now.

 
At 4:08 AM, Anonymous Jeremy said...

Izzman!! This entry rocks the entire fucking world. This is better than the Tupac, better than the DragonBall Suck. This tops it all, and if you can top this, then hats off to you! Keep it up!

 
At 10:56 PM, Anonymous Messiah said...

You think these videos you saw are odd? I saw a man having his penis cut with a rusty knife, a girl vomiting on the largest dick I ever saw (and then sucking it), a guy with a glass stuck inside his ass, one person jumping from the top of a building and bouncing about five times on the floor, and other horrible things like that.

And I tell you, they are not half as horrible as your picture.

And why the "comments' space" in this HBD english version is in portuguese, while the one in the real HBD is in english? What kind of fool are you?

Please don't mind my poor english.

 
At 11:10 PM, Anonymous Messiah said...

And why don't you buy a .com.br domain for HBD?

Don't you like your Brazilian public?

 
At 12:43 AM, Anonymous Bebba said...

Ahh the sex-a-licious pic **drools**
Yes, that's right ladies,
(and gentlemen, whichever ur preferance)
I am tapping that shit:)
wub wub <3

 

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