Wednesday, July 27, 2005

"If I were on a desert island, what three DVDs would you take with you and why?"

That was the title of my first english assingment, back when I was still at school. Mr. Whatever-His-Name-Is challenged the class to give an answer to the question that embodies the worst fears of our generation: being stranded on a desert island with no good movies to watch while you try to kill yourself with a sharp rock.

And since I've been suffering from a horrible case of writers block (either that or that burrito I had last night, I still can't decide), I'll just write my answer here.

A-hem.

The Matrix - Directed by the Wachowski Brothers, 1999

My first choice would be The Matrix. I can't deny it, I'm a fan boy. Saying that I kinda like The Matrix is like saying Hitler kinda didn't like jewish people. Although I must say, the reason why I love this movie goes beyond the wireframe kung fu fighting (that probably required more illegal chinese imigrants than all grocery stores in Ontario combined) and groundbreaking special effects made by people our parents called "nerdy losers" twenty years ago. Ever since I was a kid, I was drawn by the concept of alternative realities. The Wachowskiweiodasawhats-your-name-again brothers combined the metaphysical approach of philosophycal classics such as Plato's Cave, with flying kicks to the face and cartwheel shooting - which is not an easy task by any means. If I ever get bored of eating coconuts and trying to catch fish with my bare hands, I bet Keanu's bad acting and all the slow-motion fighting sequences would boost me up to the next monkey hunting.

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein - Directed by Kenneth Branagh, 1994

That movie shocked me when I was a kid, not only because they managed to screw up Deniro's face beyond recognition, but because the story is that classic "man versus God", "creature versus creator" dilemma - a theme I personally enjoy. The monster (which by the way, was not called Frankenstein) is a sentient being brought to life but forsaken by its own creator. Instead of doing what every rejected kid does and starting an emo band, the beast decides "fuck that". One can expect nothing short of gruesome killings and bloody disembowelment as revenge from the hands of the monster that surely holds a grudge.

Ong Bak (a.k.a. Some Oriental Dude Kicking Random Asses) - Directed by Some Oriental Dude Whose Name Has More Consonants Than Should Be Legally Permited, 2003

Last but not least, Ong Bak, the tale of the kung fu master with a heart of gold in a spiritual quest of punching bad guys in the face and/or finding some sacred stolen stuff. This perfected the "pointless ass kickery stitched together by pointless dialogues" technique. This cinematic approach is not an easy task to pull off, but the makers of this gem made sure they'd hit a home run but cramming over 80 minutes worth of footage of raw face bashing. Truly a must-have for any classic movie fan that happens to be on an uninhabited island (but doesnt mind the English voice over being roughly two minutes off, that is.)

Of course I'd turn all those fine movies down if I could only get my hand on one of those "How to Make a Raft Special Edition DVD".

6 Comments:

At 7:10 PM, Blogger MeL said...

Fianlly another entry. Way to go izzy! I've been waiting for an entry for quite some time. Yet again, ( I always say this) You've astounished me with your hilarity. I absolutely love it. I'd read your entries on the HBDIA site, but there's a little barrier blocking me from doing so, and that is, I only speak english.

From the Handy Desk of Mel!

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger Mrs. Brightside said...

Well... I'd choose A Clockwork Orange, Pulp Fiction and From Hell. With no doubt. A Clockwork Orange because it was the first movie of ultra-violence I watched... And I was six years old [ yes, SIX ] and I loved it for some reason... I always liked the vilans, though. So until today, I guess I've seen this movie more than 50 times... I love it. Pulp Fiction because it kicks ass... It's Tarantino, it's good, it's non-sense... It's perfect. And From Hell because it tells the storie of Jack, The Ripper, and it has Johnny Depp smoking weed =D
Anyway, good ones you choose... I just don't like Ong Bak, though.

 
At 10:34 PM, Anonymous Messiah said...

I don't really know what three movies I would take, but they would certainly be porn movies. You know, when you're all alone in an island there are few good things to do other than searching for fruits or hunting animals. Besides, it is not so good to watch a movie so many times.
Anyway, I never heard any story about any guy who got lost on an island with a DVD player and a TV set.

I really love coconuts.


And Mel, I offer myself to solve your problem and translate the HBD entries... for a price, of course.

 
At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Bianca said...

Quibe,whats going on lá no hbdia? nao to conseguindo entrar..da 404 nao encontrado... beijocas

 
At 6:23 AM, Anonymous Guilherme said...

num posta mais aki? o.o

 
At 10:40 AM, Anonymous natalia said...

vixiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!

movie reviw e o pior :S

bem que tu podia fazer pra mim, se eu ja nao tivesse terminado =/

o//
natalia

 

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