Sunday, July 10, 2005

Cars


An useful way of transportation or AN INSTRUMENT FROM HELL?

I shall explain.

Being a nerd, I don't get to see the light of day very often. But it's the summer, and since Canada is cursed from the gods to spend 1/4 of the year covered in snow, I feel obligated to bask in the sunlight for a few moments before crawling back to my room/tech dungeon.

And that's when it happens. These expositions to the outside world led me to believe cars were concocted by Lucifer himself to turn normal human beings into sad disgusting wastes of cells that sometimes listen to rap.

So, imagine this. I'm striding across the sidewalk, enjoying the blissfull unawareness of the outside sounds my mp3player provides me. Then it happens.

Someone passes by inside of one of these "cars" contraptions. Upon seeing me, this person projects 70% his body out the driver side window and, while trying his hardest to hang from the window AND not drive into a car-stopping device such as little schoolgirls or light posts, the person feels the urge to yell random insults at pedestrians (me). These insults range from "hey loser!", "your mother wear army boots!" and "low mortgage quotes, ask me how!" This last one is particularly popular near banks.

And I have to wonder how much time this sad person spent away from contact of another human beings.

On saturday, Becca, Ashlynn and I were at the bus stop, when this phenomenon once again took place. They were a group of 5 guys inside some car (I don't memorize car names), and as soon as they saw me, they bellowed something along the line "hey you loser!". Had this happened on the internet, an inevitable "LOL!!!111" - in capital letters and with extra 111's - would've followed.

Sure, Captain Sausage Fest! I'm with two bissexual girls by my side, whereas you're in a car full of stinky sweaty unnatractive men. Clearly I'm the one "losing"!

The reason why I compared this event with the internet is because the reasons why people act like morons on both are quite similar: they can't be punished for being pathetic excuses for human beings.

On the internet, they're yet to invent a device that allows us to stab people in the eyeball with a pitchfork when they act like morons. Likewise, the government for some reason won't allow us to have heat-seaking ground-to-ground missile launchers with which to blow up certain automobiles. Just as on the internet, car-priviledged dumbasses go unpunished.

The ironic thing is that you will never see a car-priviledged dumbass act according to his character when his mommy doesn't lend him the car keys (with the condition of being home by bed time, of course). Without a car, they will shrivel back into the frustrated tools they really are. Nobody would never approach you on the street and say "HEY YOU LOSER! WOOHOOOOOO!" and then turn around and calmly walk away.

That's probably due to the fact that they keep their balls in the glove compartment.

Maybe next week, if Johnny does the dishes and clean his bedroom, mommy will be nice and you'll get to see him unleashing his frustration onto the unsuspecting world.

14 Comments:

At 7:24 PM, Blogger Nurdagniriel said...

Bah... eu sei como é ser nerd e não ver a luz por alguns dias... até q eu não me sinto mal em admitir isso \o/
Pelo menos aqui no país da putaria, nunca me chamaram de loser (não assim, na cara) e se me chamassem, não ficaria puta. Acredito que pensaria como você. :)
Seu blog é muito bom, viu.

Abraços,

Juliana

 
At 7:43 PM, Anonymous Mr.Cell said...

heeey, loser! (LOL!!!111111111)
(hahaha..hah..ha..sorry doc, couldn't help it)

 
At 9:02 PM, Anonymous Viki said...

its even more pathetic when they throw a perfectly good slushie at you and miss by 10 feet.

 
At 9:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HELLO MY NEME IS RaUL.

I AM HAVE FREND ISRAEL.

SORY ENGLIS VERY BED.

I LAIK GRILS AND WOMANS. PLES CALL ME MY EMAIL.

I HAVE PICTCURE. I AM BITIFUL. CALL GRILS NOT MANS. I NOT GAY!!!

TANK YOU.

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger Mrs. Brightside said...

LOL, even here Raul is present =)

Anyway, well... I've already told you in the another comment how much I hate those rappers... They suck. Really.

 
At 11:56 PM, Anonymous bebba said...

In relation to what Viki commented about ppl throwing various sustenances out of their window only to miss... well I recall many a drive-by food-pegger to be quite accurate with stale timbits. Yes, this is a very serious crime here in Canada because now my friend suffers from a giant welt on her right cheek as well as a bruise to her ego. P.S. I was the one who commented on the sausage-fest;)

 
At 5:45 AM, Anonymous tiago said...

buy a shotgun, nobodys gonna never mess with u again

 
At 8:56 AM, Anonymous [Raver_Br] said...

Raul fucking english rox a lot !
Great another blog Dr Kid (understand Dr like "dotô" ok).

 
At 10:09 AM, Anonymous kellay said...

izzy is cool
jessica is not
Kelly is the coolest of them all
i got egged outta a car in the eyeball it hurt real bad! So i no how you feel buddy

cya laterr

 
At 10:45 AM, Anonymous pulpfiction said...

Kid,

low mortgage quotes, ask me how
Mortgage = empréstimos/financiamentos?
Por que isto é um insulto por aí? Eu vejo o pessoal zuar bastante com isso também num outro fórum que frequento.

Ah, e então sua namorada é bissexual? Mas que beleza. Alguma chance de rolar um threesome algum dia?

E outra coisa. Só por curiosidade, com quantos anos você pode dirigir aí no Canadá?

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger MeL said...

True True. Astounishing Izzy. You've created yet another successful blog. It's awesome, keep up the good work dude!

 
At 7:01 PM, Blogger Empress_Aislygn said...

And I was the one saying how he was sitting with two bisexual girls... can't lose there. I'll make out with your girlfriend, and you get this nice new shiny video camera... what? It's out of film? Sucks to be you... I'm not out of libido yet. You can just wait... yeah... back farther though... farther.,... farther... *slams door* that's good!
Hey guys. Good job, Izzy. Proclaim from the highest mountain the stupidity of auto-bound assholes! Preach it brother!
~A~

 
At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh shit that was you? See I wanted to get out of the car and kick your ass to, but my friend said forget it and he settled on just making fun of you

 
At 9:30 PM, Anonymous Izzy Nobre said...

That's because he didn't want you to stop sucking his dick beneath the wheel ;)

 

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